Mediation Works

Here is why:
Self Determination is the Key to Mediation. Resolve Conflict and Create Lasting Agreement with Mediation.

“There is peace even in the storm." ― Vincent van Gogh

Mediation is designed to help opposing parties reach a quiet, efficient, and amicable resolution to their case rather than deal with the unfortunate consequences of courtroom litigation. The most common cases I see involve divorcing spouses, but mediation can also be beneficial in probate cases and various civil litigation matters. Many Courts increasingly require mediation before trial, and statistics show it is highly effective in settling disputes.

As a seasoned mediator, I believe mediation works because the parties are able to reframe their conflict with new skills such as empathic listening and centered self expression. The result is an agreement crafted with self determination which is empowering and helpful for the parties to move forward.

Self Deteremination is the most important benefit to mediation. Rather than have a third party decide upon the agreement (which impacts the lives of the individuals involved) in Mediation the parties craft their own agreement. With a skilled mediator the parties can reach resolution. Further, when the resolution is crafted by the parties it usually has more staying power as the parties feel responsible for upholding and honoring it. After all, there is no way to predict how a judge or jury will resolve your matter, so choosing mediation is more likely to result in an agreement you and the other parties can live with.

That said, I understand that choosing the right option to resolve your unique dispute can be easier said than done. This is why i always go beyond the legal aspects of what i do to include practical, compassionate, and positive advice when you and your family need it most. It is important to me that you never feel unseen or unheard in this process. I am a certified integrative life coach, compassionate inquiry facilitator, meditation teacher, and I use many tools such as nonviolent communication and motivational interviewing. Mediation is the process of resolving conflict through compromise and communication. Most disputes are resolved by helping the parties learn a new way of expressing and listening which leads to understanding, empathy and compassionate resolution. Here are a few thought-provoking quotes about mediation to give you “food for thought.”

Inspirational Quotes About Mediation

‘Our differences don’t have to divide us” — Unknown

“Peace is not something you wish for, it is something you make, something you are, something you do and something you give away. ” ― Robert Fulghum

“You have peace," the old woman said, "when you make it with yourself.” ― Mitch Albom

“World peace must develop from inner peace. Peace is not just mere absence of violence. Peace is, I think, the manifestation of human compassion.” ― Dalai Lama XIV

“I still believe that peace and plenty and happiness can be worked out some way. I am a fool.” ― Kurt Vonnegut

“Better than a thousand hollow words is one word that brings peace.” ― Buddha

“Mediation is conflict’s way of looking at itself.” — Jeff Cohen.

“Discourage litigation. Persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can.” — Abraham Lincoln.

“Love your child more than you hate trying to communicate with the other parent.” — Unknown author.

“Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it.” — Mahatma Gandhi.

“The courts of this country should not be the places where resolution of disputes begins. They should be the places where the disputes end after alternative methods of resolving disputes have been considered and tried.” — Sandra Day O’Connor.

“Conflict is inevitable but combat is optional.” — Max Lucado.

“Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.” — William James.

“Never cut what you can untie.” — Joseph Joubert.

“Use soft words and hard arguments.” — English proverb.

“Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.” — Kin Hubbard.

“An ounce of mediation is worth a pound of arbitration and a ton of litigation!” — Joseph Grynbaum.

“When anger comes, wisdom goes.” — Hindi proverb.

if you’d like to explore hiring me as a mediator to help you resolve your dispute schedule a free consult here.

My legal and life experiences uniquely qualify me to serve as a mediator in your case. I serve as a mediator in Boulder, Longmont and the front range communities.

Mediation – the alternative dispute resolution process revealed….

Mediation can help create agreement and set aside conflict by allowing the parties equal space to be heard and listen.

We’ve all heard about mediation - but many of us have no idea how this process of alternative dispute resolution actually unfolds. The idea of sitting down with someone that we are in conflict can be intimidating and its hard to imagine how we can get anything resolved without an arbitrator dictating the terms of resolution. Mediation is actually a beautiful process in which the parties themselves come up with solutions and after discussion agree on how to resolve conflict. This agreement is then put into writing, with both parties signing.  The process if done correctly is empowering to the parties and the agreements are usually adhered to - because they are created by the parties themselves.

There are usually six steps to a formal mediation:

1) Introductory remarks

2) Statement of the problem by the parties

3) Information gathering

4) Identification of the conflict – what needs to be resolved

5) Bargaining and generating solutions

6) Reaching an agreement

Introductory Remarks

The parties and mediator meet together in a comfortable physical location. It is much more effective and empowering for both parties to be in the same room for this process - facing each other and speaking and listening to each other.  With an effective mediator the parties can trust that they will be respected and safe.  The mediator will start the session by outlining the process and rules. The mediator will define the protocol and set the time frame for the process. There will be a review of the mediation guidelines and the mediator will briefly recap what it is that the parties are in conflict about. This opening statement by the mediator will set out the ground rules for the mediation. These ground rules are what help the mediation go smoothly and both sides must affirmatively agree to adhere to the process as spelled out during this time.

Exploring the conflict

After the opening statement, the mediator will give each side the opportunity to speak without interruption on their perspective on how the conflict was created. The mediator serves as a third party witness and remains neutral – encouraging each party to speak freely and listen to the other party when its their turn. This forum for the statement of the problem is meant to allow each party uninterrupted time, where they can tell their side of the conflict. It also gives the parties an opportunity to frame the key issues that need to be resolved. By giving each party a chance to speak and listen the parties are able to define what needs to be addressed to resolve the conflict. More often then not when the parties actually hear both sides empathy is created which then decreases hostility and balances the power between the sides.

Information Gathering

The mediator will ask the parties open-ended questions to try to get the parties to understand the under currents and perhaps not obvious roots of the conflict. The mediator should repeat back key ideas to the parties, and will summarize the key issues of each party at the end of their turn. The mediator’s role is to keep the parties on track and build rapport by holding a safe space where people are able to speak and be heard without interruption.

The mediator may decide to hold a caucus (private session) with each party in order to move the negotiations along or if emotions get high in the room. This caucus session will be confidential. The caucus provides a safe environment in which to brainstorm and bring underlying fears to the surface.

Problem Identification

After each party has spoken, the mediator and the parties create a list of the key issues in conflict that need to be addressed.

Generating Solutions

Once the participants have defined the areas in dispute, the mediator will facilitate a brainstorming session to explore potential solutions. Usually, all potential solutions are explored and new solutions are often discovered as a part of this process.

The goal of the session is to find some common ground by exploring lots of options, and to bring about possible solutions for the parties to think about that might not have been explored before each party had the opportunity to speak and be heard in a neutral non-confrontational setting.  Bargaining often takes place during this time and compromise is often a key ingredient, as both parties work to come up with a tenable solution together.

Agreement

By generating solutions together the parties usually come up with an agreement in real time during the mediation session. The mediator will draft this agreement and both parties will sign it – usually on the same day.

Thus, mediation provides a platform for conflict resolution by creating a safe place for both parties to speak and be heard. Its purpose is to enable people to come up with their own solution by working together – and hence most solutions are adhered to as each party has a hand in creating it. Mediation saves the parties the time and money by not having to resort to the courts and is self-empowering for the individuals involved.